Cactus Stuck In Hair

Nobody Told Me There Was No Floor Support In The Attic

I Have 30 Seconds To Sweep This Up Before The Cat Pees On It

My Zipper Broke At Work, Right Before A Few Important Meetings

My Bike Broke In Half, 8 Kilometers From My Home

My Parents Live ~40 Feet Off The Highway, This Morning A Drunk Driver Plowed Into Their Home

My Grandparent's Lawn Got Raided By Boars Overnight

Unfortunate Find On The Side Of My Coffee Cup. Bet My Immune System Didn’t See This One Coming

My Coworker Went To A Skatepark After Work

Went To Costco To Grab A Rotisserie Chicken For The Weekend, But This Lady Beat Everyone To It

Who Left The Water Running?

Traveling From Alabama To California For My Wife’s Job. Someone Cut The Roof Bag Off Of My Car In Albuquerque. Lost All Of Our Clothes

My Daughter Asked If I Was Doing A Magic Trick

Hubby Was Unemployed For 9 Months. Finally Landed A Job That's Not Temp Or A Contract Gig. 5 Minutes After Clocking In, He Trips On Some Carpet And Breaks His Leg

I’m Going To Damn Bed

I Got Some Bojangles This Morning And Took A Bite Out Of My Cajun Filet, And It's Just Straight Up Raw

Right Before I Left The Trampoline Park, I Put Back On My Blue Shoes. It Wasn’t Until I Got Home I Realized I Didn’t Wear My Blue Shoes To The Trampoline Park

Buddy Crashes A Porsche On A Test Drive First Corner Out Of The Dealership

Came Home From Working All Night To Discover My (Townhouse) Neighbors Didn't Put Out Their Fireworks Completely Last Night

I Thought I Was So Smart For Keeping A Cover On My Toothbrush At All Times

My Kid Got A Box Of Onions Instead Of Nuggets In His Happy Meal

Girlfriend Was Helping Cut My Hair, She Was Doing A Fantastic Job Until I Heard A Gasp

I Accidentally Branded Rachael Ray's Name On Myself With One Of Her Roasting Trays

Just Finished Chopping 2 Years Worth Of Firewood Just For The Barn I Was Storing The Firewood In To Burn Down

I Broke Both My Feet Last Night